An Act of Desperation

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There’s something I need to see before my eyes fail me
I need you to show me if the love is real, don’t tell me
I know my time is coming, I try not to think about it
I know you think we’re all going to Heaven, but I highly doubt it
Debating the gaps in your theology, I know you’re offended
But the gospel is all I got so I have no choice but to defend it
Sending up prayers for change and then praying for answers
Sometimes I feel like my prayers are just words
Still putting pen to page because love is a verb
Yeah, I’m still the greatest the last I heard
The King of Poetry and the Joker of Death
I swear it’s me against the world and God is the ref
Poems, Women, Alcohol, attention; I’m addicted
Ambition, true love and bitterness; I’m forever conflicted

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“God please, I don’t know what to do”

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The stress is building and I’m tempted to quit
I’d rather be dead than another piece of shit
Nowadays it’s either that or being arrested
I finally realize life never goes as expected
Fifty shades of broken with a dream
Confused because reality is never what it seems
But I still don’t have have anything I hoped or prayed for
The main reason why I’m a bottle in and still need more
Everything starts to spin and I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be heard before it’s too late for me

No Prayers Please

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God heavy on my conscience but I can’t hear his voice
The devil heavy on my shoulder influencing every choice
Lord please forgive me, You know it’s not really me
You know if I hate anything it’s probably me
I used to think I had potential and vision
I used to think grace was behind every decision
But now the feeling is gone and I’m always wrong
Now I’m everything but great, independent and strong
The worst part being I’m the only one to blame
I’m convinced I’ll be going to the grave in shame

The Point

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How am I supposed to use this gift to serve God
After everything I’ve done how is He supposed to spare the rod
Seeing through all your facades while maintaining the biggest
I used to think I would be great despite chances being the thinnest
Now I don’t know if I’m even worth the conversation or mention
Now I’m just another victim of a broken heart and bad decisions
I mean nowadays I can’t even write without a bottle of wine
Will I ever be someone, will happiness ever be mine
The furthest thing from fine but what if I deserve it
What if we’re all being honest and I’m furthest thing from worth it

Home Alone Meditations

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I look over the hills and watch the rain
The sky cries with a loud sound as if in pain
The presence of The Lord fills the room
He wishes to talk I can only assume
I close my eyes and wait for His voice
Something still and small speaks, I have a choice
I can choose to live or wait to die
I can have faith in the Truth or believe the lie

Bridge

 

I’m that nigga foreal so all you niggas just chill
And to the birth control niggas, stay off of the pill
It’s no offense I’m just keeping it real
Happy Mother’s Day to all you niggas that live in they feels
All those long texts and tweets like what the fuck is the deal
Meanwhile other niggas just want a reason to kill
Like all them white niggas don’t do that enough
But you don’t care, you just wanna be hard and tough
You just want a bitch who get down and ask for it rough
But I’m calling your bluff, I know you just want some love
You just want answers from the Holy One Above
They told God was good but you still in hard times
Your momma’s debt and child support always on your mind
I feel you my nigga, trust me fam I feel you
I promise everything they’re saying is probably true
God is good