“How are you” and “That’s not true”

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Reporting live from the city of rock bottom
The place where problems add up without the answers to solve them
The heat in my hand burning like my sins and passion
My passion to be great despite my suicidal distraction
Debating over razors, registered guns and pills
Anything that’ll take me out without having to feel
Just another victim of depression enter the suicidal obsession
Chardonnay and Moscato are you’re only chance of confession
Mentally ill so offing myself is just playing it safe
It’s that or fantasies about the day I can actually afford a safe
I’m talking about Hollywood and Beverly Hills
I’m talking about a place where nothing is real
The perfect place for someone who lives in dreams
If only I could avoid what the bad ones mean

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“It’s too late for me”

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I don’t wanna feel better, I don’t want your advice
I don’t wanna sugarcoat it, I don’t wanna be nice
I wanna be ripped to shreds, I don’t care anymore
I want everyone to see all the signs you ignore
I wanna be free from you and them
I wanna cut off the lights on all my problems
I don’t wanna call for help, I don’t wanna love myself
I don’t want you to worry about me, worry about yourself
It’s not like I mattered before
It’s not like I can even talk to you anymore
I know my options and yeah I’m sure
I’m sure I want you to find me dead on the floor
I don’t need a hotline, I don’t want your pity
I just want anything that’ll help me escape reality

“God please, I don’t know what to do”

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The stress is building and I’m tempted to quit
I’d rather be dead than another piece of shit
Nowadays it’s either that or being arrested
I finally realize life never goes as expected
Fifty shades of broken with a dream
Confused because reality is never what it seems
But I still don’t have have anything I hoped or prayed for
The main reason why I’m a bottle in and still need more
Everything starts to spin and I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be heard before it’s too late for me

My Way Out

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I’m tired of playing the victim in this fight
I’m tired of being the furthest from alright
I’m tired of being the asshole that always has to be right
I’ll confess all my sins, I’m not the best person
I just pray I can get His help before my condition worsens
But maybe that’s why I’m at rock bottom
Maybe that’s the point
Maybe I should starting looking in the mirror before I point
Maybe I can still be great before it’s too late
Maybe all it takes is letting love and letting go of hate

Apologies All Around

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Tell Mel I’m sorry I’m so far from perfection
And I’m sorry our guards stem from hurt and rejection
Tell Michelle I’ll have love and admiration
But she right, our friendship is no longer the topic of conversation
Tell Katie I apologize for the light I always write her in
I would do things differently if there’s anyway we could try again
Tell Nadia I regret everything about that drunk text
And make sure she knows she too good for her ex
Tell Caity I’m the worst for the things I say and leading her on
And maybe she’d be better off with me good and gone

No Prayers Please

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God heavy on my conscience but I can’t hear his voice
The devil heavy on my shoulder influencing every choice
Lord please forgive me, You know it’s not really me
You know if I hate anything it’s probably me
I used to think I had potential and vision
I used to think grace was behind every decision
But now the feeling is gone and I’m always wrong
Now I’m everything but great, independent and strong
The worst part being I’m the only one to blame
I’m convinced I’ll be going to the grave in shame

The Giver Upper

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Pianos and cries play at my funeral
My mission incomplete but final
I wish I could’ve done more
I wish I would’ve been more confident and sure
Sure of myself, sure of my gift and skill
Sure that I was greatest if we all kept it real
Line after line but it just wasn’t enough
Rhyme after rhyme for all the times things got rough
But to no avail, no one cared, no one heard me
No one missed an opportunity to hurt me
So here I am a couple of cut wrists later
Somewhere in the spirit saying “I’ll see y’all later”