An Act of Desperation

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There’s something I need to see before my eyes fail me
I need you to show me if the love is real, don’t tell me
I know my time is coming, I try not to think about it
I know you think we’re all going to Heaven, but I highly doubt it
Debating the gaps in your theology, I know you’re offended
But the gospel is all I got so I have no choice but to defend it
Sending up prayers for change and then praying for answers
Sometimes I feel like my prayers are just words
Still putting pen to page because love is a verb
Yeah, I’m still the greatest the last I heard
The King of Poetry and the Joker of Death
I swear it’s me against the world and God is the ref
Poems, Women, Alcohol, attention; I’m addicted
Ambition, true love and bitterness; I’m forever conflicted

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Walk

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I wanna talk about God and love
I want the best I can do to be enough
I wanna get rich and give back to the city
I want the Spirit of God to live in me
Mortality is setting in, I don’t have a lot of time
I don’t have time to talk about everything on my mind
I have to store up my treasures in Heaven
I have to help my brothers outside the Seven-Eleven
Father please forgive me, I don’t wanna go to Hell
I don’t wanna be a story You’re too ashamed to tell
I want You to claim me in front of Your Father’s angels
I need Your blood to save me from every angle
I wanna get to work, tell me where to go
Tell me You love me, I’ve been dying to know
I’ve been dying of thirst, I’ve been dying of pain
I’ve been trying my best not to relapse and go insane
I need to be okay, I’m tired of doubt
I need my Savior, I need a way out

“God please, I don’t know what to do”

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The stress is building and I’m tempted to quit
I’d rather be dead than another piece of shit
Nowadays it’s either that or being arrested
I finally realize life never goes as expected
Fifty shades of broken with a dream
Confused because reality is never what it seems
But I still don’t have have anything I hoped or prayed for
The main reason why I’m a bottle in and still need more
Everything starts to spin and I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be heard before it’s too late for me

No Prayers Please

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God heavy on my conscience but I can’t hear his voice
The devil heavy on my shoulder influencing every choice
Lord please forgive me, You know it’s not really me
You know if I hate anything it’s probably me
I used to think I had potential and vision
I used to think grace was behind every decision
But now the feeling is gone and I’m always wrong
Now I’m everything but great, independent and strong
The worst part being I’m the only one to blame
I’m convinced I’ll be going to the grave in shame

The Point

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How am I supposed to use this gift to serve God
After everything I’ve done how is He supposed to spare the rod
Seeing through all your facades while maintaining the biggest
I used to think I would be great despite chances being the thinnest
Now I don’t know if I’m even worth the conversation or mention
Now I’m just another victim of a broken heart and bad decisions
I mean nowadays I can’t even write without a bottle of wine
Will I ever be someone, will happiness ever be mine
The furthest thing from fine but what if I deserve it
What if we’re all being honest and I’m furthest thing from worth it

How

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Desperate for a reason to drink less and live
Late night conversations about life and perspective
Rewriting poems until my craft is perfected
Words highly controversial and reflective
Asking myself questions about fate and purpose
I mean they say they love this but I still feel worthless
I feel like there’s more important things to talk about
Forget the old friends and girls that left always left me out
What about all the people out there dying
What about the single mothers and millennials trying
But at this point how am I supposed to use my gift for good
How am I supposed to sacrifice doing what I want for what I should