An Act of Desperation

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There’s something I need to see before my eyes fail me
I need you to show me if the love is real, don’t tell me
I know my time is coming, I try not to think about it
I know you think we’re all going to Heaven, but I highly doubt it
Debating the gaps in your theology, I know you’re offended
But the gospel is all I got so I have no choice but to defend it
Sending up prayers for change and then praying for answers
Sometimes I feel like my prayers are just words
Still putting pen to page because love is a verb
Yeah, I’m still the greatest the last I heard
The King of Poetry and the Joker of Death
I swear it’s me against the world and God is the ref
Poems, Women, Alcohol, attention; I’m addicted
Ambition, true love and bitterness; I’m forever conflicted

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Walk

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I wanna talk about God and love
I want the best I can do to be enough
I wanna get rich and give back to the city
I want the Spirit of God to live in me
Mortality is setting in, I don’t have a lot of time
I don’t have time to talk about everything on my mind
I have to store up my treasures in Heaven
I have to help my brothers outside the Seven-Eleven
Father please forgive me, I don’t wanna go to Hell
I don’t wanna be a story You’re too ashamed to tell
I want You to claim me in front of Your Father’s angels
I need Your blood to save me from every angle
I wanna get to work, tell me where to go
Tell me You love me, I’ve been dying to know
I’ve been dying of thirst, I’ve been dying of pain
I’ve been trying my best not to relapse and go insane
I need to be okay, I’m tired of doubt
I need my Savior, I need a way out

“God please, I don’t know what to do”

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The stress is building and I’m tempted to quit
I’d rather be dead than another piece of shit
Nowadays it’s either that or being arrested
I finally realize life never goes as expected
Fifty shades of broken with a dream
Confused because reality is never what it seems
But I still don’t have have anything I hoped or prayed for
The main reason why I’m a bottle in and still need more
Everything starts to spin and I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be heard before it’s too late for me

My Way Out

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I’m tired of playing the victim in this fight
I’m tired of being the furthest from alright
I’m tired of being the asshole that always has to be right
I’ll confess all my sins, I’m not the best person
I just pray I can get His help before my condition worsens
But maybe that’s why I’m at rock bottom
Maybe that’s the point
Maybe I should starting looking in the mirror before I point
Maybe I can still be great before it’s too late
Maybe all it takes is letting love and letting go of hate

No Prayers Please

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God heavy on my conscience but I can’t hear his voice
The devil heavy on my shoulder influencing every choice
Lord please forgive me, You know it’s not really me
You know if I hate anything it’s probably me
I used to think I had potential and vision
I used to think grace was behind every decision
But now the feeling is gone and I’m always wrong
Now I’m everything but great, independent and strong
The worst part being I’m the only one to blame
I’m convinced I’ll be going to the grave in shame

Mid 20 Blues

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Sending selfish prayers to God like He’s my Genie
Reading scriptures I hope don’t ever apply to me
Living worthless and going to Hell my biggest fear
Oh Lord save me from the end drawing near
Sobriety my biggest obstacle nowadays
Begging for grace and mercy on behalf of my ways
Stress and depression and I’m bound to go astray
Lord please give me the time of day
I know I don’t deserve it
I know my habits and all the reason why should quit
But I know I’m not the only one dying for some hope and fun
I know I’m not the only one regretting most of things he’s done
But who’s gonna help, who’s gonna save us
Who’s patient enough to convince us to trust
Who’s gonna take all the knives out of our backs
Who’s gonna take the gun and pills before everything goes black