“How are you” and “That’s not true”

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Reporting live from the city of rock bottom
The place where problems add up without the answers to solve them
The heat in my hand burning like my sins and passion
My passion to be great despite my suicidal distraction
Debating over razors, registered guns and pills
Anything that’ll take me out without having to feel
Just another victim of depression enter the suicidal obsession
Chardonnay and Moscato are you’re only chance of confession
Mentally ill so offing myself is just playing it safe
It’s that or fantasies about the day I can actually afford a safe
I’m talking about Hollywood and Beverly Hills
I’m talking about a place where nothing is real
The perfect place for someone who lives in dreams
If only I could avoid what the bad ones mean

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Looking

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Nowadays I’m not the one for commitment
If those are ever the terms I just say forget it
But at least I’m straight up
At least I’m not the type to give up
Bottles of moscato and sangria for the pain
Sometimes I get so drunk I can barely remember my name
Desperate to feel something and stay sane
I really hate how you make me out to be the one to blame
Looking for love online
I just want someone to call mine
I just want someone who wants me
I just want you honestly

The Last

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Today I felt hopeful for the first time
For the first time death wasn’t on my mind
Then the pain alcohol reminded me
That me, life and happiness just aren’t meant to be
To be honest I really don’t wanna die
I don’t wanna leave without saying goodbye
I wanna be healthy, I don’t want this addiction
I want a girl like Mel to make loving me her life mission
I’m tired of the bottle and all this conviction
I’m tired of my mistakes making me and honorable mention

What About You

Is it still too late buy alcohol
Is it still too late to call
After all I don’t have that much time
There’s a reason why death is always on my mind
Pain in my side, probably liver failure
I should probably play it safe with her
It’s probably better if I keep my distance
I know I sound crazy, I know I don’t make sense
But there’s nothing special about me I promise
I promise I’m not someone you’ll ever miss
Just ask Michelle, Ana, and Gisele
Just ask all the girls that found lies easier to tell
Apparently I wasn’t worth it and probably true
You tell me not talk like that but what do you think
What about you

For the Love

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Contemplating my legacy through suicide
Drunk writing about everything I’ve been holding inside
Fake Christians still pretending to be nice
I’m talking all those white girls that pretend to be nice
I’m talking girls like Carly and Steph
I’m talking feminist and everyone way left
Debating the meaning of good art and reality
Meanwhile I’m begging the Good Lord to help me
Suffering from depression and alcohol addiction
Lately it feels like my demons have been on a mission
A mission to rob me of everything including my life
All while you complain to God about not having a husband or wife

1 A.M.

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Looking for inspiration in lust and alcohol
Waiting for someone I actually want to talk to to call
Vibing out to vape and beats as I wait
Writing about all the demons I love and hate
Self published Otherness the other day in hope of fame
I’ve failed at everything else so why not try to make a name
Daydreaming about Jeeps and H.E.B sushi
Complaining to Caity and Aisha about how everyone hates me
Emptying out bottles of wine to access my emotions
2k poems in my archive to prove my devotion
Watching Jessica Stroup like maybe one day
Maybe one day I’ll have a place for myself and my heart to stay

Love Me

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Telling myself to forgive Mari and Steph
Because in all honesty they’re the only friends I left
Drunk calling Caity telling her she’s only one I miss
For the main fact that I know she’ll read this
Meanwhile Mari still can’t get over me
Meanwhile Steph has me drinking more lately
Telling her she’s the one of the prettiest I’ve ever seen
But truth be told I hate the fact she never says what she means
Writing drunk poems about the struggles of being V. Fall
Talking about how God never answers when I call
And here you thought I was the old me
Forgetting about my depression and how I text when I’m lonely
But girl you know I mean everything I say
Girl you know you’re the only who can make my day
The only question is will you fight for me
Do you love me enough to love even when I don’t love me