Recordings

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Popping bottles of champagne just to pass the time
Surrounded by quote on quote friends all claiming to be mine
Sending drunks text to Step making her promise to never tell
Talking about my lack of faith and how I always seem to fail
Wishing it’s was twenty twelve back in Arizona
Way before Valentine’s Fall was a persona
Back to the thirty five pills and the day I should’ve died
Back to Aurora and how I only got out because I lied
It was the worst but the best of times
The thought of not being here tomorrow my only peace of mind
Coney Island by Death Cab playing in the background
Katie on the phone completely unaware I’m about to be six feet underground
But somehow I survived, somehow I’m still here
Lord please forgive me, I know this is the last things you wanna hear
But I have to be honest, I’m just curious to know
If this is how things were gonna be why not just let me go
I mean is this all I’m worth, is this all I was meant to be
They say you’re always there but how much do you care really about me
I mean I know you love me but sometimes it’s just so hard to tell
I just don’t know what to think anymore, Lord please don’t send me to Hell
I just want the truth, I just want honesty
Shout out to the girl that pulled a serious Judas on me
All that talking behind my back, I’m still waiting for my apology
Surrounded by fakes smiles and long glares
But when questioned it’s apparently old news and no one cares
The Kanye West of my faith and my class
In the future I’ll probably be called the Malcom X of the past
Getting blackout drunk just to fall asleep at night
Questioning rather or not defending the truth is really worth the fight
Society’s color of a villain but I have the heart of a revolutionary
It’s sounds poetic but can you really handle the burden I carry
Can you handle all that hate and indifference
Can you handle being the definition of different
Do you know how it feels to want to die everyday
Do you know how it feels to feel ignored every time you pray
Throwing all that shade but do you know how it feels to be me
Do you know how it feels to be responsible for writing the next chapter in our history

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