It’s 1 a.m. and I’m wide awake
Writing about truths you’ll find it hard to take
Hustling my photography like I’m in the drug game
On a mission to finally get Steph to feel the same
Poems starting to sound more like vents and freestyles
Just some realness I’m hoping will be worth your while
Pretty girls look at me and smile
Got Ana and Caity on speed dial
How’d I go from girls like Nadia and Katie
To having the same type of girls hate me
Starring at pictures of you from other the day
Wondering how these dudes ever let you get away
Like they must be dumb or blind, no pun intended
And to think there was a time when you were unfriended
Now it’s all love, it’s all good or so I assume
I know you and I know your heart still has room
Room to love or room to be who you were in the past
All the reasons why our friendship never seems to lasts
You don’t have to admit it but we both know it true
We both know sometimes Christianity is just something you do
Getting defensive, accusing me of making you feel like shit
But girl trust me you ain’t the only one full of shit
Determined to either better of expose you
Claiming to be a good person so let’s see what you do
Let’s see how you are when I really need a friend
Let’s see what you do when all the small talk comes to an end
I’m not convinced, I think you’ll fold
No response mixed with excuses you know are played and old
Offended and defensive but I’m just being real
But who knows maybe one day you’ll tell me how you really feel
Having conversations about life and who you’ve been seeing
Questioning me about why I’m still holding on and believing
Always playing hard to get, saying you’re not playing hard to get
But girl but I never give up and I never quit
I still remember the first time I saw you
Trying to make small talk, I didn’t know what else to do
Then you went back to Corpus for school
You were so fine and I was furthest thing from cool
Then I hit you up just to find out you were already linked up
So I backed off but told myself I was next up
Sure enough things happens and he didn’t deserve you
But by then I was in Arkansas with nothing to do
But that didn’t matter you stayed on my mind
A couple of years later it was finally my time
But then you were a woman scorned and I was too young
Our song had ended before it was ever sung
Not mention our prides and wills we’re just too strong
Our personalities conflicted, we were both wrong
Unwilling to admit it we just stopped speaking
Then I moved back to town right when our potential was peaking
So much time had passed, all our issues were in the past
But you still swore it wouldn’t last
You still kept me at bay
Now it’s a few years later and I’m still here to stay
Bottles of wine and bank accounts turn red
As I do my best to silence all the voices in my head
Regretting the message you just replied to
But had I been sober I probably would’ve lied to you
But maybe then we’d be closer and better off
Covering up harsh words over the phone with a cough
But I heard it and I admit I haven’t been the best
Always bringing up old issues, I should just give it a rest
Just pour another glass and let me catch my breath
Struggling to talk about what’s really going on with me
Lately it feels like God is the only one who can save me
That is, of course, if my prayers are being heard
Heavily intoxicated as I listen to The Word
Staring at the ceiling like “God why don’t you care”
“I mean I’m not perfect but there’s way worse people out there”
All of them richer and much better off than me
Don’t be believe me just turn on the radio or the TV
Seems like the worse you are the greater the blessing
And the better you are the harder the stressing
So what’s the point, what’s the lesson
I need answers, I need direction
Finally realizing some of my friends aren’t really my friends
“I’ll always be there”, what was that, come again
Weren’t you the one listening to all talk behind my back
Weren’t you the one treating me different because I’m black
But if I confront you about it then I’m the bad guy
Losing your temper under pressure every time I ask why
I mean did you really think I wouldn’t notice
Yeah this is about you and yeah I wrote this
The root of all my hard feelings so I’m sorry but you gotta go
I used to love you but I have too much on my mind to let it go
I know you wonder why I never come to you for help
I know you think I do it all to myself
Asking yourself why I chose her over you
But you know the reason and you know it’s true
Instead of taking a stand you always just play along
You let them say whatever they want even when you know it’s wrong
You’re just too passive and timid for me
And I’ve been in need of a real friend lately
Not to mention you catch feelings too fast
You always give in to me despite knowing my past
Confessing all your feelings to deaf ears
Confused as to why I don’t reciprocate or shed tears
Stand up for me once and I might reconsider
But I know you never will so enjoy next winter
